The Six-Month Mark

I can't believe it's been almost six months since I arrived in Melbourne. Going back to Singapore for four days two weeks ago and then zipping right back just makes this six-month mark seem all the more dramatic.

So much has happened in this time: I got a new niece, one of friends gave birth, and one of my friends became pregnant; I'd missed out so much. Not sure what I've gained here; haven't had a lot of time for personal reflection, so I'm looking forward to the two-week school holidays next week when I won't be able to do my placement. Two weeks is hopefully enough time for me to take stock of my life here so far.

It's interesting, though, how happily I take to studying. Yeps, despite all the unhappy stuff and the dissatisfaction with the course, I'm actually happy that I'm getting this opportunity to study again. Almost grateful.

Perhaps it's the effects of the beautiful university campus grounds in the winter. The quiet strength of the centuries-old buildings gives off the aura of a learned scholar, steady and wise. Reality ironically seems all the more jarring after being coloured momentarily by the romanticism that seems to permeate the campus in the winter.

At times, I ask myself: "What am I doing here? What do I hope to achieve here?" The obvious answers seem so straightforward and pragmatic; I am here to learn. I am here to earn my masters degree so that my career could advance. But beyond these, then what....?

It seems life is never that straightforward. And I refuse to designate learning as something you do out of pragmatic concerns. There has to be a deeper, more noble reason for my wanting to come here to learn. I have to look for that reason to keep me going.

It's not a comfortable place to be in when you're both happy and unhappy at the same time. And that's where I am right now. Sigh.