Young and depressed

Have caught a bit of a reading bug after taking my GRE last week. Finished reading 'Prozac Nation' by Elizabeth Wurtzel over the weekend. The book is basically an autobiographical narrative on the author's experiences of clinical depression, starting from the age of 11 years.

From the perspective of the reader, I think the erratic behaviours, patterns of negative thinking, and oftentimes destructive ways in which those with clinical depression navigate their worlds is disturbing. I think the book is powerful because it gives an insight into the turbulent minds of those who have this devastating condition. For a person who has a bit of training in psychology, it definitely humanises what we see defined as 'depression' in the DSM-IV-TR, textbook sense.

What particularly struck me is the relationship(s) that the author has with the various therapists in her life: psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, psychopharmacologists, psychiatric social workers, etc. Of course, from her viewpoint, not all help was helpful. For me, this just reminds me of how my students, their parents and even the teachers might possibly view my 'therapeutic' work (for want of a better word). It reminded me to be mindful about what I do and to always be guided by a strong sense of ethics and 'doing good' in my intervention work.

Nonetheless, all else said and done, I believe that even with the best of intentions, we cannot and will not be able to help all clients equally, simply because there are too many dynamic factors to consider for each individual case. I remember one of the teachers asking me how is it that psychologists/social workers handle our work, because the outcomes don't seem visible, and one case may be stuck in a particular way for the longest time ever. I remember telling her that it is important to sometimes step back and realise that the case is out of your hands, and explore referrals to other avenues of help. At the end of the day, your ego (and your own need for personal achievement) cannot win at the expense of your clients' welfare. And if nothing really works out, you've got to handle it maturely and realise that if you've tried your best, you've got to let go. Hang on to every failure, you'll not last very long in the social services sector.
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Today, I got the shocking and devastating news that one of my choir mates in junior college had taken his own life while studying in the UK.

I've not heard from him for a long time, so to hear this about him after about 8 years is just numbingly shocking. I kept telling my friend who broke the news to me 'I don't know what to say.' He was so young; we are so young.

I just feel dismayed and wondered if perhaps other options could have been explored. I also wondered if anyone, absolutely anyone at all, could have detected something was wrong; after all, he had apparently been finding it increasingly difficult to cope with schoolwork and had grown increasingly withdrawn from his social circles.
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Ultimately, there are always many unanswered questions when lives that are young and 'full of promise' (in Wurtzel's words) fall into tragic ways. Sometimes, we are able to take our time to work out the answers; other times, things just happen too quickly and those who love us are forced to pick up the pieces after that and attempt to put together a closure of sorts.

May all who are in grief eventually find peace and closure.

Rest in peace, Z.