Dream home?

Just yesterday, I was telling YM over MSN that my next blog post was going to be either about my boredom at home as I wait to pop, or about my birthing experience. Looks like I was wrong. It's going to be about my dream home, or the lack of.

I will not go into how much I regret not buying a place of my own when I got married two years ago--that's becoming old news. When we finally realise how much we want or need a space of our own, prices have risen way beyond what we may be able to afford. Mainly, I am despaired by news and my own observations that the cash premiums for HDB resale flats are going up, and not down, despite government measures to cool the market. For example, I just read in The Straits Times today that the median COVs of three-room, four-room, five-room and executive HDB resale flats are now $30,000 to $40,000, compared to the first quarter when most were below $30,000. If you want to get a good deal, there are still some in areas like Pasir Ris and Jurong West.

Hubby and I have also been observing the market for private apartments. There appears to be an oversupply of new private apartments as developers launch project after project, leading to a somewhat saturated market. Thus, the prices of some boutique developments are actually within the same band as HDB resale flats in say, the Central area. However, I must say that the floor areas for private apartments are comparatively much smaller, and of course, we will not benefit from any government subsidies or grants.

I am one of those who do not want to wait for three, four years to get a HDB flat. As such, we have considered and then decided against applying for flats in the recent BTO launches. Anyway, they are often over-subscribed, and chances are slim that we will successfully ballot for a flat, first-timers as we may be.

So we are now caught in a bind. The HDB resale flats are too expensive, and the BTO launches have TOPs that are too far long in time. Private apartment? If we dun mind squeezing into a 45- sqm apartment, maybe THAT can be a consideration.

Sigh. So our dream home remains elusive for now. As such, it sure looks like we will have to camp out with our folks for some time. It's not exactly a bad thing, especially considering that living together with my in-laws has helped me to understand them better and also made me develop closer relationships with them. We can also keep watch on his parents, mainly in terms of their diet and health considerations. Life at my in-laws' place is very comfortable, since I hardly need to lift a finger to do any household chores like cooking, laundry, and cleaning because everything is taken care of by my mother-in-law and the domestic helper.

However, I don't particularly like this dependency we're developing. I think it's healthier for a young couple like us to learn how to cope with the demands of family life, rather than rely on our parents. In fact, I find that living with my in-laws makes me too 'nuah,' and I REALLY don't like this 'nuah-ness' I'm developing. I don't want to be laughed at or mocked for being 'old but not grown up.' (I guess this is partly the 'fiercely independent' streak in me rearing its ugly head.)

Because of differences in family culture, I sometimes find it difficult to accept some aspects of household life, however comfortable my in-laws try to make me feel. For example, I am still not very used to having a domestic helper in the house, and at times, find it more frustrating than helpful. Finally, now that Baby is on the way, I am deeply concerned about differences in grandparenting and parenting styles, and about how it may be more difficult, living under the same roof, to draw boundaries and prevent clashes.

There are nonetheless some issues to consider when it comes to moving out. Firstly, there's the question of location. There's also the question of finances, given that we're currently single-income and our baby is on its way. Finally, there's the question of timing. (Honestly, no timing is ever good timing for parents.)

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Discussing this topic, I sometimes wonder whether I have over-thought the issue or simply do not know how to count my blessings. I am not trying to be politically correct; from the bottom of my heart, I will be the first to say that I have really wonderful parents-in-law who go out of their way to make sure I'm comfortable and well taken care of. However, I have recently begun to see moving out as also a way of ensuring that they do not get overly stretched in their older years, caring for children and grandchildren. How can we, as children, place such pressure and obligations on them? We should be the ones taking care of them, not the other way round. I say that not only for my hubby's parents but also for my own parents. Of course, our parents will say that they will still prefer us to stay with them or at least, close to them.

Sigh. I guess the differences in thinking across the generations is evident in this instance. I personally wonder whether I would expect my children to stay close to me in future. Who knows? Maybe as I get older, my perspective will change. ;)