Everything in its time

Yeps, picked that right up from Emmy's post. =)

And yeps, finally got round to updating myself and 'catching up' with my friends via reading their blogs. Sometimes, work just sucks the life out of you, leaving you with little time and energy to do anything else. Suddenly realised I've neglected my friends... Feel so guilty about that. I didn't even know Saj was going to Bintan for a holiday. =(

Actually, it's only been about two weeks since I last blogged, but it feels like a lot has happened. Don't really know where to start, so I guess I'll just pick up from where I left off.

After losing my voice for that weekend, I didn't really get better. Sure, I got my voice back, but I didn't stop to rest and continued to work non-stop for the following week, and wounded up falling more ill. Finally, on the following Thursday after the previous post, I stepped out of the office and suddenly felt the world spin around me. Luckily, Guanz had come to pick me up. He rushed me to the doc's, where I found out I was running a fever of 39.1 deg celsius. Ok, guess that was my body's way of protesting against me for torturing it. I decided then I had better go on MC or I'll just never recover fast enough to plunge back into work again.

So that was that. I relaxed, recovered, and then plunged straight back into work. Can't really remember exactly what happened, but my last two weeks were packed with home visits, visits to the institutions, training and courses, typing and rushing reports, attending court, and of course, reportings. As of now, my caseload is full. And I have a whole lot of reports and research projects to do. Sigh... Everything in its time. I'll just have to take it one step at a time and see how things go.

Gained quite a few insights over the past two weeks though. First insight I've gained is that I really have to learn to ventilate and manage my stress and emotions in a more positive way, or risk burnout. To my credit, in my interactions with clients, I think I've handled my emotions rather well, rarely losing control despite the kind of stuff thrown at me by my clients and their parents. It's just that I feel I've been doing that in a way that's going to be ineffective in the long-term. Instead of reacting in a more emotionally balanced manner, I've chosen to sweep my feelings under the carpet and totally ignore them, hoping that they will somehow be kept in check. Unfortunately, these hidden feelings just surface on other occasions and get vented on other people and/or things: on Guanz, on my family, on the traffic conditions, on the results of Project Superstar, etc. And on myself. I'm not sure if that's a healthy way to cope.

The second insight was empowering. While on course, it suddenly dawned on me that I'm actually doing quite an okay job with my clients, and that I'm not as bad a social service worker as I often make myself out to be. Of course, I still have loads of room for improvement, and lots to learn (see above).

The third insight I got was more of a damper on my spirits, though there was also a positive spin to it. While on the same course, I realised that the rest of the social service workers (from the FSCs, schools, etc.) have certain misconceptions about probation work. Misconceptions that I feel are unfair, as is the case for all stereotypes. I was a little miffed and felt under siege then (not sure if my colleagues attending the same course felt like that). Even the trainer was biased. So in a weird sort of way, I can now fully empathise with my kids, who get picked on in school (I mean, I've never been picked on until now). Despite having this key positive takeaway from the course, I nonetheless still wonder how many more of our partner agencies have deep-seated misunderstandings about our sort of work.

Finally, I realised that Singaporeans badly need a hero who can give us hope--something I observed from the results of Project Superstar, or rather, from the street interviews with supporters of the newly crowned champion. It's not that the champion didn't deserve his win (in any case, I have bitchy personal biases against the runner-up); I certainly think he has a wonderful voice and a warm sincerity that should be characteristic of a 'superstar,' for want of a better word. However, it was interesting to note that his supporters kept saying that his courage gave them hope, encouragement, etc. I thought the sentiment of hope was more prominent than that of sympathy. (And in case anyone was wondering, I think there IS a difference between feeling encouraged by and feeling sympathetic towards someone.) And this is precisely the champion's appeal: he is iconic of hope in a harsh and fast-paced society which leaves those who 'cannot-make-it' behind. Of course, it definitely helps that Singaporeans finally have a say in something via their votes, after being disappointed time and again.
-----------
Whew, that was a damn good run of verbal diarrhoea. =)

Till the next post....