Happy April Fools' Day

I meant to blog earlier, but my sister had to use the PC. Anyway, I handed up my honours thesis at 2 plus on 1st April 2004. And no, it's not an April Fools' joke.

I had (and still have) very strong mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I feel relieved that I have finally accomplished this project. On the other, I (like Saj) wonder if I have done a good job of it. I remember writing in this very same space a few weeks back that I wonder if I'm ready to show the world (aka the Psych professors at NUS) what I have been working on for the past few months. Well, ready or not, here comes Junlin's thesis, World. And whether you, World, think it's good or lousy, I can only say I have tried my best. =)

Anyway, I think my friends have totally socialised me. Or either that, we totally think on the same wavelength, because I, like my dear friend Saj, thought of putting my acknowledgements page onto my blog too. I thought it'd be a good way to let everyone know what actually transpired in the acknowledgements without having to read the soft/hard copies.

I took the liberty of penning some of your names down directly into my acknowledgements. So the examiners marking my thesis would know who my friends are, and if I get you into trouble for that (e.g., if the examiner hates me and extends that to you in some way), I sincerely apologise, especially to the Psych gang cos you people would probably feel the impact of that extension the most.

Acknowledgements

I owe debts of gratitude to many people for this project.

First and foremost, I would like to thank Associate Professor John M. Elliott for his most intense and insightful supervision; his wonderful patience and tolerance when I am not making any sense; and for being a terrific teacher to me all these years in university.

A very big ‘thank you’ too, to Sajlia, Yimei, Nan Yen, Rohani, Junmei and Emmy, my closest friends and classmates throughout these four years in university. Thanks girls, for lending me a listening ear when I needed it, and for all your wonderful companionship. I would especially like to thank Yimei for putting me in touch with some of the kindergarten principals, and Sajlia for helping with the project.

I would also like to convey my gratitude to two girls and a guy: Melinda, Pearlyn and Ridzal, who variously acted as test administrators, temporary childcare givers, and ‘clowns.’ Thanks for the excellent help you all have given me throughout the course of this project.

I also want to thank my parents, sisters and brother for being there for me all these years. Special thanks to: my third sister, Siew Huey (and her colleague) for giving me the contact to a kindergarten principal; my eldest sister, Siew Yee, for helping with the proof-reading even though she is more than a thousand miles away in North America; and my second sister, Siew Min, for her intellectual insights and for putting me up at her house for a good semester. Special thanks to Chin Guan too, who walked into my life three years ago and have since been a tremendous source of strength and support.

I am also grateful to the four kindergarten principals and all the parents who kindly took me into their trust and consented to their children’s participation. Last but definitely not the least, a huge ‘thank you’ to all the dear children who obligingly participated in the project, and who would be sorely missed now that the project has been completed.

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I enjoyed writing the acknowledgements the most. It came out nice and smooth, and I didn't have to worry that I sounded verbose (which is what my supervisor thinks I am).

Tonight, I feel especially tired. I fell asleep watching TV, something I haven't done for a very long time. Not because the shows were riveting, but because I couldn't sleep at night worrying about the thesis, and I was trying to use TV to alleviate my stress. Then suddenly, all the exhaustion sank in after I reached home today.

I have lost some weight writing the thesis. The last month was especially intense, because that was when the entire report started taking shape, and all the drafts started coming back with lots of comments and corrections in red. That was when things started to come together, only to fall apart soon after. That was when the doubts I've had all along turned into strong suspicions and regrets. I lost count of how many nights I have spent working on the thesis into the wee hours of the morning, sometimes to the extent of not sleeping at all. I have also shed some tears writing the thesis, although I've been surprisingly more calm and collected than I thought I would be. No major breakdowns and big sobbing sessions. Hopefully, that means I am more mature now, and have learnt how to handle stress without harming my own body by crying so hard all the time.

Now I only need to go fatten myself up a little. =)